What I want to learn from my body, part 1:
Where is my agency in this
How can I catch my own tears
What she has experienced continues to flow within me. My mother was named after a powerful river: Inirida, “But just say Ino. It is easier to spell”. This is how she introduced herself after we moved to Europe. Since I was a teenager I remember that I was always tired. A few years ago there was a moment when I became aware of this exhaustion and paid attention to it. Is it always the same? No. There are days when I wake up and feel energized. What did I do the day before? With whom do i feel good? With whom do i feel drained? How do my interactions change the way my body feels? The spaces I go, the people I meet, the country I live in.
What I want to learn from my body, part 2:
Choosing from a place of awareness. Standing up for myself.
Keeping my chest open
One of the things I learned from her: Being a master in shapeshifting. I can flow and adapt myself to the needs of others like water. I have the power to see through them, to feel what they need and to let them float into my attention, feeling carried and cared for. This can make me submissive and dependant or the builder of intimate conversations and strong bonds. It depends on whether I agree to bending over backwards, breaking my spine for their comfort, or if I don’t agree to become anything they want, just so I feel like I belong.
What I want to learn from my body, part 3:
to know what I know and feel what I feel
a powerful creature who says what she wants without feeling guilty
My friend Gloria once wrote: “[...] and in a state of perpetual transition the mestiza faces the dilemma of the mixed breed: Which collectivity does the daughter of a dark-skinned mother listen to?”
Foto: Joanna Legid